New Parents Survival Guide: What doesn‘t kill you makes you want to die (months 1-2)

I would like to tell you the second month is easier than the first but it is not really. It may be a little better because you are better at changing diapers, dressing and feeding baby which may give you more time for those little extras like taking a shower and doing some laundry, but we still have not got to the part where you get to sleep yet.

Eating:

Eating is now a routine and is much easier to plan around. By this time you can almost set your clock to when your baby is going to eat and the amount they are going to eat is mostly the same each time. If all of a sudden your baby starts eating less for more than one feeding you should wonder if there is a reason, like an illness. The one exception to this regular schedule is babies will often have a growth spurt at a month of age and may have a couple of weeks where they want to eat all the time (well at least every two hours or so). Most babies still are not able to sleep through the night but you do not need to wake them to eat. Doctors do not recommend feeding your baby anything except milk during this month (including water, juice, and any solid foods).

Sleeping:

Your baby’s sleeping habits will become more routine as well this month. A baby is more likely to be taking naps at regular intervals and for set periods of time. They still will not sleep through the night but their wakeful times are more routine. There is no set amount of sleep a baby will get each day and every baby will be different. The only thing you can do to make your baby’s sleep patterns more predictable is to keep a very regular schedule with time to go to sleep and time to get up. Ignore your family and friends and all their helpful “cures” that cause their babies to sleep through the night. Do not give your baby anything except milk and love to fall asleep unless recommended by your doctor. A full night’s sleep is not worth a dead baby.

Pooping:

The baby’s pooping is thankfully less than what it was the first month. Around the start of this month a baby’s gastro-colic reflex goes away and they get where they may only stool once to twice a day. It is also completely normal for them not to have a dirty diaper every day. Contrary to what your grandparents thought, a baby does not have to have a dirty diaper every day to be healthy. As long as the baby’s stools are not hard balls (constipation), they can go 3-4 days without having a dirty diaper. Instead of worrying about it, enjoy not having to change those stinky diapers. The color may change and may be yellow, green or brown. You should never see red or black stools and if you do you need to talk to your pediatrician. Never give your baby anything for constipation without talking to your pediatrician’s office.

Peeing:

You are absolutely right; they can pee all the time. The amount of pee coming out of them defies all laws of science. You are sure by this time that more pee comes out than the amount of fluid going into them. You can now change wet diapers in about two seconds and it does not require you to wake up to get the job done.

Hate: OK you two parents may have started to like each other again and figured out it is the two of you against the baby…yea that is it, you hate the baby. No, it is not right, you cannot hate the baby. You hate your parents; yes that is something the two of you can agree on. They are to blame for all your faults and they are always in the way. Oh, by the way, have I told you grandparents are my enemy? They drive me completely bonkers.

Tricks: They start to be more than just poop and pee factories this month. As we get closer to two months old they can start to smile and really mean it. That means if you are entertaining them they will reward you with a smile. They may even start to laugh at you. Their little arms and legs are going a million miles an hour and they honestly act like they know you and want you around. This is the real trick, they torture you nonstop and yet you love every inch of them. They are able to turn to locate sound. They can start to hold their head up and stop being just a large bobble head. To help out the neck strength it is time for tummy time. Just to warn you, most babies hate tummy time because they cannot hold up their head yet. It may help to get down on the floor with them and touch and talk to them while they are down there. They will eventually get enough strength to lift up their head and then it will not bother them. Their newborn reflexes start to go away at this stage and they develop the reflex when you turn their head to the side their arm points straight out on the side they are facing and the other arm bends up over their head. They look like little fencers. They know the sound of your voice and may even start to recognize their own name. They can now see several feet away and are going to start looking around more.

Safety:

The safety advice from last month is the same this month. Nothing really changes. The car seat stays in the same place. The baby still is not going anywhere fast, but they are wrigglier so you want to make sure not to leave them on a changing table or couch by themselves or they may fall off. They are also going to start putting their hands in their mouth. Make sure there is nothing around them they can get a hold of and put it in their mouth to choke on. Still stay away from places there could be sick people hanging out.

Panic: We still get excited about any fevers, so if your baby has a tempera- ture over 100.4 you need to see a doctor as soon as possible. You also need to see a doctor fairly quickly if your baby starts forcefully vomiting more than just a couple of times or starts having more than six loose stools in a day.

There are a couple of problems that may show up this month which will either concern you or need to be addressed by your pediatrician. They are colic, gastro-esophageal reflux, cradle cap, pyloric stenosis and of course other illnesses change depending on the season. A good rule of thumb is: if you are worried about something ask your doctor and not all your “doctor” friends and family.

Checkup:

Boy time sure flies when you are having fun…or are sleep deprived. It is time for your baby’s two-month-old checkup and this one is a doozey. This is the first of many big shot days. Your baby will be getting multiple vaccines today. The number of actual needle sticks will vary depending on what vaccines your pediatrician has chosen to use but they will be receiving vaccines for: diphtheria, tetanus, pertussis, Hemophilus, polio, streptococcus pneumonia, rotavirus, and possibly hepatitis B. Make sure you have your list of questions to ask, bring your diaper bag, a bottle would not be a bad idea to calm the baby down after the shots, and of course do not forget the baby. It is probably a good idea to check with your pediatrician to see if they recommend giving a dose of acetaminophen after the vaccines. Ask your doctor’s office for the correct dose of acetaminophen to give if they recommend it. At the checkup your baby will be weighed, measured and plotted on a growth curve to compare their growth to the last visit. The doctor will ask you about their eating, peeing, pooping and what they are doing developmentally. They will look your baby over from head to toe and tell you about anything they find. Finally, they should go over the vaccines they will be receiving and any possible side effects you might see and what to do if you see each of them. They will also go over any problems you might have happened over the next two months until they see you again. You leave the office shaking and possibly crying because they have given your baby shots, whereas your baby is probably already asleep and has forgotten the whole thing. You may need to stop by a bar or take a nerve pill and then you will forget everything they said again, hence the need for the next chapter.