New Parents Survival Guide: Months 15-18

Well, life is going well isn’t it? Your baby is walking, talking, laughing and just the sweetest little thing ever…then the alarm goes off and you wake up to the cold reality of the fact you truly are the parent of Satan. Everyone warned you about the sleepless nights when you had a newborn, you have heard the rumors of the terrible twos and it has not been long since you were an awful adolescent yourself, but what about the 15-month-old? No one speaks of it because it is too scary, too frightening, and so awful that if you knew the truth you would never have had a child.

Eating:

Nothing changes in this period as far as the recommended foods or the restrictions on foods. However there are changes during this period with how your baby will eat. One of the biggest changes is that they do not want you to be involved in the feeding part at all other than being the provider of the food. They will want to be in full control of the feeding and you should let them. This is a good time to own stock in paper towels and the buying of a good high-pressure washer would not be a bad idea. This is when great pictures get taken for the baby book with ravioli smeared all over their face, body and caked into their hair. (My first house never really recovered from Dalton’s pasta expressions…I think it took a gallon of white primer to cover the orange stains).

This is when they start using silverware themselves. I recommend starting off with a spoon, followed eventually with a fork and then maybe give them a knife when they turn 18 you will have some interesting wrestling matches involving napkins or wipes so the public does not think your child is a Neanderthal. This is the time when you will do the unthinkable. You will do something you swore would never happen. You will lick your finger and then give your child a spit bath. YUCKY!

The biggest thing that happens in their eating during this period is the lack of eating. The number one concern I hear from parents of 15-18- month-olds is they do not eat. The first year of life babies tend to grow at a constant rate, but somewhere between the 15-18 month stage they start to grow more in spurts. There will be times when they will eat everything you can give them and want more and then there will be times they will seem to live on a glass of milk, a ding-dong and a cookie (not that I am recommending you give your little one ding-dongs or cookies, but my kids really liked them). The important thing to keep in the back of your mind is they will never voluntarily starve themselves to death. Your job is to offer them a good variety of meat, vegetables, and fruit. They will eat when they need to and not until then.

Peeing:

They keep peeing all the time. You will start hearing about model children who have already been potty trained. I know it is possible, but trust me it is rare and before you believe it and feel like your child has delayed developmental skills make sure the child does exist. The only control most of your children are going to show is the uncanny ability to be able to wet their diaper right after you just changed it.

Pooping:

Poop is still just as nasty as it has always been. The smell is just as bad and it looks just as gross so it will be a shock to you when your beauti- ful child will use their poop as an artistic impression. As nasty as it sounds your little angel is going to use their poop and smear it all over a wall, their bed, or maybe themselves. All I can say is be thankful most of your children will start putting their nasty poop in the toilet in the next year.

Sleeping:

If you have read this book and followed my recommendations earlier your little child is sleeping “like a baby” at night. If you ignored me and kept your child in your room or even worse put them in your bed then this is your last warning: get your baby in their own room and in its own bed! If you do not do it quick you are going to be a stuck with an extra bed partner for a very long time.

Hate:

There is no hate during these months. You are not going to have any time to hate anything. If you are lucky your little toddler occasionally goes to sleep so you have a chance to eat, go to the bathroom, and maybe even sleep an hour or two. The rest of the time you are going to be chasing your little monster in an attempt to keep them from killing themselves.

Safety:

All those little tidbits we talked about in the past chapters to keep your little person safe are all well and good. They also mean absolutely nothing in this age group. These little devils are masters at self-destruction. They seem to wake up every morning with one and only one goal….to kill themselves and possibly take you with them. Keep the poison control number on speed dial. It is not an insult to have to call them with your emergency; it is more of an initiation into a very large club…the Parenthood Club.

Tricks:

Here is my chance to say something that will make the price of this book seem like the best investment you have ever made in your life. Boy do I wish I knew what to tell you. I recommend you have a long list of potential babysitters because the chance of them wanting to take care of your little demon more than once are slim and you are going to need some away time. This is when you will want to visit the subject of punishment for being bad…oh trust me they are going to be bad. The terrible twos are just a way of making you think you have some time, but no, that time is now.

Punishments:

Forget everything you have ever read in those other parenting books, they are all full of hot air and are a load of poop (and by now you know a lot about poop). There is no right way to punish your child. There are some wrong ways. You should never hurt your child either physically or mentally. No matter how bad they have been they never deserve to be abused (you will probably question that statement at some time, but it is true). The most profound advice I have ever gotten regarding punishments was from one of my instructors in residency who told me the child would tell you what their punishment should be. The parenting books do not know your individual child…they do not know their likes and their dislikes, but you do. A punishment is anything that makes them cry. A reward is anything that makes them happy. You cannot punish a child by making them happy. For a punishment find something making your child sad or mad and use it, whatever it might be. Make sure your punishments are consistent between all the caregivers and make sure your punishments are instantaneous. It does no good to punish your child two hours after they were bad. Because of this you will probably want to have a variety of punishments at your disposal so you can punish wrong- doing no matter where you might be at the time (church, grocery store, home, car, etc).

Panic:

There are so many things you could panic about at this age it would be impossible to write them all down or even think of all the ways each individual little angel could and will try to come up with to end their existence on this planet, but I will try to hit the big ones.

The main ways a little one will get hurt at this age is falling and choking. Remember when they fall and hit their head watch for any loss of consciousness, vomiting or behavior that suggests they do not know who or where they are…see any of these and you need to talk to a doctor. Choking often happens when they are walking and eating or when they carry something in their mouth…do not let them do either of these things. If they choke perform abdominal thrusts and back blows. Learn CPR…You should not be a parent without knowing CPR.

They are going to try to poison themselves with something; the most common way being household cleaners and plants. Make sure they cannot ever get to these things and keep the poison control number handy for when they find them in spite of your efforts. Plan on needing help with a poisoning…do everything to prevent it but be prepared.

The little runts will be developing an independent streak about now which makes them to try to get away from us from time to time. They are not rebellious teenagers yet, but they are trying to run away from home about as often. Always keep an eye on them…if they are being quiet make sure they are still there. This is a time you may need to update your internal locks on your doors to keep them inside.

That independent streak can also cause problems when walking. You will find now when you walk with them they want to be on their own, running ahead of you or trying to pull away from you when you are holding their hand. Make sure when you are walking along the side of a road they are on the side of you away from the road. If they do pull away from you they will fall or sprint away from the road instead of into the road.

Checkup:

The hardest thing about this checkup is going to be trying to keep your little one still enough and quiet enough to even understand what the doctor is telling you. Just a warning, they have figured out by now that they get shots at the doctor’s office and are going to be mad from the time you walk through the door. This may be a visit full of screaming and royal fits. Do not feel bad, we know it is not you and it does not reflect on your parenting skills…they all do it. The doctor is going to check out the little wolverine and this is when you hope they won’t be permanently maimed or bitten in the process. A good preparation for trying to examine a little one this age is trying to type a letter while riding a bucking bronco in the middle of a hurricane. The doctor will go over their eating habits or, as is often the case, their lack of eating. They will spend some time asking about stooling since it is not unusual for some babies to start having some problems with constipation around this time. The developmental questions will concentrate on how they hold a spoon, whether they are walking and talking and how much. There will be a couple of shots today and then you will be off. Do not expect to have a great conversation with your doctor today, as your child probably won’t allow chitchat on this visit.