New Parents Survival Guide: My oh my, you can have a baby and a life (months 7-9)

Remember all those dreams of what it would be like to have a baby? You know the dreams: combining the love the two of you have for each other and making a baby so you can see the two of you combined in one little person. Well now is when that finally gets to happen. To be honest, the next three to six months watching your baby explore their environment and learn more skills are some of the most entertaining moments you will have in your life. They are the best little comedians, they are the best snuggle buddies, comfort food, pets, decorations. I know all those descriptors sound really dumb, but this is the age where all of a sudden your baby becomes everything to you. Not just because you had to use every ounce of energy and every drop of time taking care of them like you did the first six months, but because they become all you want to do…they are like drugs. Like drugs they sometimes become too much and you will start to annoy your friends and family with the fact all you want to do is talk about baby, show pictures of baby, do things with and for baby. If there was such a thing as babies anonymous this would be when you were at most risk of being sent there. All I can say is ignore the haters and enjoy every minute of happiness the next three to six months give you. It will be those moments of happiness keeping you from killing them in the months coming up.

In this three month period when they are between six and nine months old more things happen than in the previous six months combined. It is kind of hard to believe. This is also when questions and concerns start emerging thanks to traditional “baby books”. Just as in the previous chapters, I will give you the real deal on all the things that may happen during this time period.

Eating:

We get to eat a lot these next three months. They eat and get all fat and wrinkly (OK, they may already be fat and wrinkly), but they are definitely eating far more solid food. They are also wearing a lot of solid food. They will not be doing any spoon-feeding themselves this next three months but they will look like they have. We still want them to be drinking their milk as formula or breast milk. They will start drinking less milk each day as they fill up more on solid foods. This is something they will do on their own and not anything you really need to think about. Do not freak out if they are not drinking as much, it is fine. They will still drink somewhere between 20-36 ounces a day, but if your baby is having more or less than it is fine as long as they are growing well and eating more solid foods.

Over this three-month period our goal will be to get them to eat three solid meals a day; a breakfast, lunch and dinner schedule if you will. It will vary from baby to baby how much they eat. I tell all my parents it is completely normal for me to see nine month babies eating three stage I jars of baby food a day and I will also see babies eat nine stage III jars per day (the funny thing is it’s often the little babies who eat the most).

Once a baby is sitting up well by itself, it is also time for us to start introducing some finger foods. I usually recommend we start off with the bigger sized foods that fill up much of their hand and will not fit completely in their mouth. These are your starter foods like Biter Biscuits and Zwieback Toast. Another finger food I recommend (not as a great nutritional source) is vanilla wafers. Once they get good at eating these, then it is fine to go to the little dissolvable fruit and vegetable puffs and then on to cheerios.

At six months it is also fine for them to start getting some juice or water. They do not need any of either since they get all the fluid they need in their milk and juice is just empty calories, but this is the time the “books” say it is OK for them to start having some. It is recommended they not get more than 4-6 ounces combined of each per day. This is the time grandparents have literally been driving you crazy for…yes they can start to get tastes of table food. We should be honest with ourselves; chances are those evil grandparents have already snuck them something and most of them are none the worse the wear for it. Now is the official “it’s OK to feed them table food” time but there are a couple of no-nos. I do not recommend them to have any honey, nuts or shellfish until after they are 12 months old. Fight the brave fights against the grandparents on these because they can harm your baby. It is very important when feeding the baby table food at this age for it to be the basic consistency of baby food. They still do not have many teeth, if any, and are still learning the whole process of chewing and swallowing. I strongly recommend you review the recommended CPR techniques for choking whenever we start feeding your baby table food.

Peeing:

They are still peeing buckets and to be honest not much changes in that department this month. All I can say is change their diapers fast. They are more active and if they have wet diapers on for too long they are going to get some bad diaper rashes.

Pooping:

It’s hard to believe but they are still pooping and it’s no longer just normal baby poop but toxic, run-for-the-hills, this-stuff-could-be-used-as- a-weapon poop. Once we start adding more solid foods into the mix, poop is going to take on many different colors, textures and unfortunate smells. This is the time we start seeing a lot more constipation. Remember constipation is not defined by how often they have a dirty diaper but if it is com- ing out as large, hard stools that are uncomfortable for your baby to pass. If your baby is constipated with the addition of more solid foods, stop their cereals and bananas for a while and increase fruits or fruit juices like prunes or pears. If their stools are too loose do the opposite. If neither seems to help it is time to make your pediatricians office earn their keep and give them a call and see what their recommendation is for you to try.

Sleeping:

You and your baby should be sleeping like babies through the night. If neither of you are sleeping through the entire night it is most likely due to an “I told you so” moment. If your baby is still waking up chances are it is because they are still in your bedroom or even worse in your bed. All I can say is you know what to do to get them to sleep through the night. It is totally your choice whether you do it or not, but it will also be your fault you are not getting a complete nights sleep. It will not affect your baby at all. They do not have a job or any real plans for the next day and any sleep they do not get at night they will just get as naps during the day. You will probably not have this luxury, but it is your choice. Yes, in fact, I do like saying “I told you so”.

Hate:

There are so many things to hate but in the big scheme of things they are not too bad. You are envious of your friends with no kids who are traveling. You know you need to go out with your spouse for some alone time, but you hate asking any friends or family for any favors. You hate the idea of hiring a babysitter and trusting them with your baby. You hate the fact you still have not lost all your baby weight (both of you). You hate the fact the baby cannot seem to do anything without you, but love they need you so much. You hate how you miss any of their major accomplishments because of work. You hate work (this doesn’t really have anything to do with the baby but is just that you never really liked to work anyway).

Safety:

OH MY GOD!!! Who on earth knew there was so many things a baby could destroy. Remember all the stuff I told you to do last chapter? If you have not done it yet you need to get it done now. Now it is time to take it a few more steps and do some field work. Get down on your hands and knees anywhere you are going to let your baby play. Crawl around and bang into stuff; if it hurts, fix it so it does not. Grab a hold of everything you can see and try to pull it down, pull it off, break it or eat it. You will find there is lots of stuff you will need to put up or get rid of. A couple of things you might not think of: fireplace mantles and coffee tables with sharp edges or corners, and the cords for your drapes or window blinds will need to be addressed. They will eat anything they can find so make sure you do not have any poisons or cleaning supplies lying around. Use an empty toilet paper roll as a measuring instrument. Anything that can pass through the toilet paper roll could probably choke your baby. This is a good time to check all your houseplants and make sure none of them are poisonous, (watch for the poinsettias at Christmas). Make sure your hot water heater is set on the economy setting or less than 120 degrees to prevent them from turning on the water and burning themselves. Do not put them anywhere they can fall off of and do not give them any opportunity to climb on things they can fall down. Always remember it is their goal to try and kill themselves while you are watching…. So keep watching.

Tricks:

This is the period when “baby books” drive pediatricians crazy. If you have bought this book you have probably bought one of those serious stuffy books that tell you exactly when a baby is supposed to achieve all their developmental milestones. If your baby does not do something by the time the book says they should you will freak out and call the pediatrician (don’t worry it’s what a good parent should do). The problem is the stuffy books have horribly misled you and worried you for probably no reason. When it comes to developmental milestones, there are ranges of ages skills are supposed to be acquired. Most of the baby books publish the 50 percentile numbers. This means they put down the age at which 50 percent of babies should have developed the skill. When reading the book that means half of the parents will feel OK about their baby and half of the parents will freak out their baby has not done it yet. I will see if I can do a little better. Check out Chapter 18 for the major developmental milestones and the normal ranges of each.

During this period of time most babies are going to learn to do tons of things. They should all be smiling, laughing and making gooing noises, but this developmental period they will start adding some consonant sounds and this is when parents start hearing things sound like words and will often hear a “mama” or “dada”. It is usually a competition to see which one they will say first and the unfair advantage goes to Dad since the da sound is usually easier for them to say.

They have probably already learned to roll before we get to six months, but they are definitely getting better at it now and can get to anywhere they think they want to go. This is another good reason you will want everything baby proofed. Some of them will learn other ways of getting around and will start crawling. About half of the little babies will start to crawl by nine months of age. Crawling progresses from lying on their belly and pulling themselves forward with their arms and goes to getting up on their hands and knees and rocking back and forth. Many babies will start off going backwards before going forward. Once they learn to go forward it only takes them a day to become experts and learn how to go a hundred miles an hour. A few babies will start to take some steps at around nine months of age. A baby will learn to walk holding on to something first. Walking around holding on to something is called cruising. A baby will start to walk by itself usually about one month from when they learn to cruise well.

There are many developmental skills your pediatrician will look for while examining your baby at their visits, but the ones we have already discussed are the important ones and probably the only ones you care about.

Panic:

The panic this month will usually be caused by the baby itself. All those developmental skills they were so busy learning that have kept you enthralled and bragging to your friends and family about will now bring you to your knees in a sniveling, shaking, scared little ball. Let’s go through some of the most common scary things.

• Head injuries: They are going to bump their little noggins a lot. These little whacks to the brain will vary from a minor little bump ending up in a red spot to a fall from the bed or fall into a coffee table resulting in a huge goose egg and bruise. Chapter 21 has all the things to look out for and things to do. Do not panic it will be OK.
• Choking: They do love to put stuff in their mouth and choke on it. This is the reason we baby proof, but most people need a life threatening moment to believe it. This is where CPR classes would have come in handy. If you are looking at this book when your baby is choking… we have a problem. If you’re reading ahead, go to Chapter 21 and I will teach you what to do.
• Dropping the baby: Do not freak out, dropping your baby happens to many people. The babies are very wiggly at this age and seem to be almost Hou- dini-like in their abilities to get loose from your loving grasp and fall to the cold, hard reality of the floor. Make sure they are moving all their arms and legs after both of you stop crying and remember the stuff you read in Chap- ter 21 about those head injuries.
• Poisonings: Again this would have been a good time to have already done baby proofing stuff. Luckily most of the stuff they are going to get into and eat (by the way if they can get into it they will try to eat it) is benign and can’t hurt them. If they eat a medicine, cleaning supply or plant you do not know about call poison control immediately and let them decide what to do. DO NOT DO ANYTHING UNTIL YOU TALK TO POISON CON- TROL!!! Things change all the time and you do not want to cause more harm to your baby by your treatment than by what they already did to themselves.
• Illnesses: Babies tend to get sicker when they are moving and touching more things. Depending on the time of year there are many possibilities. You can be sure they are going to get some colds during this time and there are many other things keeping your pediatrician in business. Chapter 19 has a list and description of the common illnesses your little one may pick up these first couple of years.

Checkup:

It is time to go see your wonderful pediatrician. This visit is going to be a lot easier than all the others, except for the fact your baby is going to be a lot wigglier during the visit and they may embarrass you by the fact they try to channel an evil demon while being examined by the doctor.

The visit is set up the same as all the other visits so there are not any curve balls to expect. If you have kept up with your immunizations there should not be any shots this time, but that may vary depending on your pediatrician’s vaccine schedule. The only painful thing at this visit is a finger poke to check their blood and make sure they are not anemic (too few red blood cells). This is when most babies’ normal anemia from being a baby should have resolved and many pediatricians will check now to see if babies need iron supplements to correct any anemia that may be lingering.

Your baby may have changed into a screaming banshee at this visit for several reasons. One reason is a stranger anxiety they develop somewhere between eight and 12 months and if they do not recognize the doctor they may be very upset. The other reason could be they recognize the doctor and remember this is where they get their shots and are very mad about seeing them again. The visits between nine and 24 months of age are usually accompanied by some very loud screaming from the baby because of these reasons.

This visit is usually filled with answering questions parents have about all the things we spent this chapter talking about. If you read the chapter it may be a very short visit.

Kaden’s logs

February 19, 2012

Time to say a happy half-year birthday to me. I am six months old today. I feel so mature. Today Daddy took us boys to church. Evidently that is a big deal because people sure looked at us strange. One man even slapped Daddy on the back after church and told him that he did a good job. I did have a blowout in my pants at church. Daddy made an executive decision that the ones I was wearing and covered in poop was a disposable item and it got thrown away with my diaper. We all survived and we learned about love and fear during the service. I think Daddy loved us and was afraid of all the things that could have gone wrong. When we got home us boys went downstairs and hung out while Mommy did her work stuff. We even wore our shirts. Daddy’s said “Big Dude”, Dalton and Tyler’s said “Little Dude” and mine said “Littlest Dude”. We all looked very cute. We then went to Wasabi and the cook asked which of the brothers was the cutest. My brothers are so smart they both pointed to me. I love being around smart people. We then went by and saw Mamaw (my mommy’s mom). Daddy got in trouble because we were looking at pictures and Daddy saw a picture of Mommy when she was one and he said she looked like a fat little heifer. Daddy is currently in trouble. I have learned a valuable les- son; no matter how old a woman is you never comment on their weight. It did not matter that my Mommy is skinny and beautiful now as evidently that little fat one- year-old still lives inside her and her feelings were hurt. I’m glad I learnt this les- son. I sure hope Daddy learned something as well.

February 23, 2012

Today was the big check-up day. Here are the facts: Length 27.5 inches, which is at the 81 percentile Weight 18 pounds 10 oz., which puts me at the 68 percentile Head circumference 45 cm coming in at the 80 percentile My brain is large which looks good for my goal of world domination. I am not fat because my length is at a higher percentile than my weight. My doctor says I am doing all the things I am supposed to do and none of the things I’m not supposed to do (I may not have told him everything, but he will rest better at night not know- ing the whole story). It looks like I have no health factors that should keep me from reaching my goals. You know the goals right? Write a hit song, become a professional athlete, ladies man, inventor, billionaire, author, world leader and I’m sure a few more I have forgot in the stupor from my immunization induced fog. The fact I have tripled in size has definitely made a difference because I have had no reactions to my shots. I did take a nap today with Mommy but that was more for Mommy because she is coming down with a cold. I think I will add that to my list of goals…cure the common cold. I will cure vomiting and diarrhea as well because I really don’t like either of them very much. All in all in spite of starting off the day getting naked, cold and shot up it was a pretty good day. I am going to get some much-needed rest and start tomorrow’s quest for world domination with new vigor.

March 29, 2012

Today is one of those big days that will go down in history and talked about from generation to generation because it’s the day I got my first tooth. It started off just being a normal day but then my daddy discovered my tooth. It explained some events over the last several days like why I may have been fussier and have not really wanted my baby food. Enough of the history all that really matters is that I have a tooth. My parents tried to take a picture of my tooth, but that ended up being World War III. Daddy even tried to take a video hoping he could get a clip with sight of the tooth, but it ended up looking like a snuff film. In the process I had numerous close-ups and I ripped out a few of my Daddy’s hairs. He yelled so I pulled harder—what could I say, I thought he was the director and he was calling for more action! . Since there is no photographic proof of my tooth I will just have to describe it to you. It is pearly white; so white it had to have been sent to me straight from heaven. It has the perfect tooth shape. It is a perfectly made tooth for my perfectly made head to enhance my absolute perfection. It glows as if a spotlight shines from heaven to illuminate its greatness. It is the dream of every dentist to gaze at such a tooth. By the looks of it I will probably have another perfect tooth in the next couple of days. I will share my perfection with you at that time. Envy the tooth.

April 9, 2012

Tonight I would like to talk about Mommies. We all have a mother that being the woman who gave birth to us but some of us are lucky enough to have a Mommy. I have a very nice Mommy and I have been watching her and I think I know the qualifications that make up a great Mommy.

1. Long hair. This is for several reasons, the first of which is I like to play with hair and I need it to be close to me. I’m sure other babies would like to play with hair as well so I will put it on the list. It also gives the mommy something to pull out when their baby is driving them crazy.
2. Ranger training. To be honest I don’t know a lot about Army Ranger training other that it is hard work, you have to learn to survive under extreme conditions, work under sleep deprivation and go long periods without eating. Sounds like the training needed to be my mommy.
3. A world-class sprinter and long distance runner. The sprinter comes in handy when I need something and need it fast or when I try to throw myself off of something and need someone to catch me. The distance runner would come in handy most days for the endurance needed to keep up with me.
4. A fast order cook. I need food and I need it fast.
5. A laundry technician. Anybody can throw the laundry in the machine, (even Daddy can even do that), but I need a specialist who can get my “special” stains out of the clothes.
6. A NASCAR pit crew-member. Changing my clothes and diaper are kind of like a pit stop and I want them done fast because I am going to scream the entire time.
7. A massage therapist. Let’s be honest I just like Mommy to rub me.
8. A psychologist. Mommy needs to tell me over and over that it is going to be all right. It would be OK if she told herself that every once in awhile when I have caused a bad day.
9. A doctor. I have potential for great boo-boos and to be honest I am sick a lot and Daddy hasn’t fixed me once yet.
10. A superhero. Let’s be honest, my mommy is so great she has to have superhero powers and I think every mommy needs them as well.

April 24, 2012

“TERROR.” It’s a great word. There have been many a fortune made in the category of terror. I personally don’t think Alfred Hitchcock has anything over me in this genre even though he is currently better known. I have learned to strike terror into the hearts and minds of my parents. I have what I like to call the circle of terror. I like to crawl from one fun house to another as quickly as I possibly can. I like to make a small mess at each one so while my parents are trying to fix or mend the destruction in one site I have plenty of time to get to the next site to begin another destructive process. I have had a little triangle shaped track of outlet covers, motion detector, and central air ducts. My parents are starting to get wise as I discovered this evening when they taped the motion detector together in hope I would not tear it apart anymore. I will admit to some momentary frustration at my inability to destroy it but I have just added to my repertoire. I have now added the kitchen to my death circuit and have discovered cabinets with many treasures inside. I have also found the bathroom. My brothers occasionally leave me other opportunities with the charging cables from their electronics. I love to hear the shrieks from my parents as they try to thwart my attempts at my life defying stunts. I swear I can see Daddy’s hair turn grayer by the day. I am a source of terror to my parents and I relish it. I can’t wait until tomorrow starts so I can terrorize the house again. HA HA HA (evil maniacal laughter).