New Parents Survival Guide: Newborn Plumbing
Not all babies are created equal. Some are girls and some are boys and their plumbing is completely different. Chances are you have had some encounters with the different parts of the two sexes (after all you did just have a baby), but you are going to see some things people probably did not warn you about. This is where having this manual comes in handy.
Since my mom always said ladies first, we will start off with the girls and a little anatomy lesson.
The plumbing section is here because it generates questions like: What is that? Is that normal? How do I need to take care of things down there? We will start with some of the variations you can see right after the baby is born. Depending on how close you were to her due date the external genitalia may look very different. The closer the baby is to her due date the larger the labia majora will be. If a baby is very immature, she may look wide open and her labia minora looks bigger than the labia majora. This is completely normal and as the baby gets older the labia majora will fill out and get bigger. In its full term state the labia majora should be bigger and completely cover the labia minora. The labia minora is a lot more tender type of skin. If it is exposed you need to be more gentle when you clean it than you would with the labia majora, which is covered with normal outside skin. Newborn babies may have vaginal mucosal tags. These are little flaps of skin—little extra pieces of the vaginal type skin that vary in size—that you may see coming out of the vagina. These are influenced by mom’s hormones and after the baby is born will shrink and go away. You have to be gentle as you wipe them because they are more sensitive. In rare cases a baby’s hymen may be completely closed off and you will see a white-colored, bulging sack coming out of the vaginal opening. If you see this you need to ask your pediatrician because it will need to be surgically corrected.
When you are wiping a little girl’s bottom you will find that poop will go everywhere and make quite a mess. You have to clean all poop out of the vaginal area just like you do off her bottom. Always wipe her vagina from front to back to make sure that you are not wiping poop into the vaginal area. This is the way little girls should always wipe to keep from getting vaginal irritation, urinary tract infections or yeast infections.
As Mom’s hormones were high while she was pregnant some of these will be passed to the baby girl. Because of these hormones, the first several days of life you may see a white mucous discharge come out of her vagina. This is completely normal and you just need to gently wipe it away when you change her diaper. It is also not unusual to see trace amounts of bright red blood on days 2-5 of life. This is also from mom’s hormones and it is kind of like having a little period. Again just gently wipe it away when changing diapers. It can last a day or two and seems a little more common in babies who are breastfeeding, which makes sense when you consider more of mom’s hormones come from the milk.
Some problems or questions you may have about your baby’s vagina:
By far the most common problem that is going to happen down here is a diaper rash. The most common type of rash is just an irritated, contact rash either from being sensitive to a type of diaper (in this case the whole diaper area is involved) or to staying wet or dirty for too long (just the area that was wet or dirty will be irritated). These rashes will be anywhere from slightly to extremely red and you want to treat it with a diaper rash cream that contains zinc oxide.
The next most common rash is a yeast infection. Yeast is not really an infection; it is more of an overgrowth. It likes to grow in wet areas, like dia- pers, where there is no competition (after being on antibiotics and the bacteria on the skin is killed off). This rash will be bright red and usually have bright red little dots around the edges. Yeast infection type rashes will need a prescription ointment to treat them (I usually advise treating until the rash is gone and then for three additional days). Another problem that little girls can have down here is called labial adhesions. This is usually due to bad diaper rashes or to not getting the area good and clean. Labial adhesions are where the two opposing surfaces of the labia minora become irritated and fuse. In its most extensive state the labia minora can completely fuse shut where there is barely a hole for urine to exit the urethra, much less flow properly. This can set your baby up for a urinary tract infection. Make sure you are cleaning your baby well every day and if you see that her opening is closing up be sure to let your doctor know and they will fix the problem.
Another common question parents have is why are they rubbing up against things or wanting to play with themselves down there? Did someone do something to them or is something bothering them? First make sure she does not have a rash, because yeast infections can itch, but usually this is just a normal activity. They figure out that it feels good to them and they will try to do it all the time in some of the most embarrassing places. I knew one little girl that would rub herself against the divider of the shopping cart at stores looking very happy while her parents watched mortified. Just try to ignore them and the behavior will eventually go away. They do like to stick things in their vagina too so if you notice a foul smell down there (different from the smell of poop) see your doctor because they probably have some- thing like toilet paper stuck up there and it can lead to an infection.
People have a terrible time saying the word vagina. When vagina is too embarrassing to say they come up with some of the stupidest things I have ever heard that seem a lot more embarrassing. Here are a few examples that I have heard over the years.
- Kitty kat
- Muffin
- Biscuit
- Monkey
- Coochee
- Cushion
- Hot dog bun
- Va Jay Jay
- Waa Yaa Yaa
- Moo Cat
- Hoo Yaa (I’m not 100 percent sure of this spelling)
- Hoo Ha
- Cooch
- Cha Cha
- Cooter
- Tooter Toot Toot
Kaden’s Comments: I am not allowed to comment on this section. My parents won’t even let me look at the words much less the picture. I am convinced that the way you tell the difference from the boys and the girls is we have blue socks and they have pink socks.
Now for the little boy’s anatomy lesson:
We should start this little section off with one of the questions that will be asked before the baby is even born; to circumcise or leave uncircumcised? This seems to generate very heated debates so let me try to put this in as unbiased terms as possible. Medical studies have found that circumcised males have less penile cancer, less problems with phymosis (a condition in which the foreskin cannot be retracted to expose the glans), and less sexually transmitted disease. With that being said, the differences are minor and more a way of medically justifying circumcision. On the other side of the argument circumcision comes with some pain and some surgical risks. It is also felt that uncircumcised penises have greater sensitivity of the glans during sexual stimulation. So what do you do? Here is my advice on the matter. Circumcision is mainly a cultural and social exercise. If everyone that your child is going to be around has had it done then it can be socially troubling to them to be different (yes they will look). It’s also something that can be a big deal socially when they get older and are in gym showers or dating. This seems to vary culturally as well as geo- graphically. I recommend you do whatever you feel comfortable with and feel is in the best interest of your little boy. Both have been done for centuries (I am pretty sure uncircumcised was around first), and boys have been thriving either way.
With that out of the way, how do you take care of each type of penis? The point of a circumcision is to cut away the excess foreskin and expose the glans (head of the penis). A newborn penis will have adhesions that have stuck the foreskin to the head of the glans. When your little guy comes back from having his circumcision done, the penis will usually be wrapped in gauze covered in Vaseline and you will see a little bloodstaining. The gauze usually falls off or is removed after the first day and you will see a bright red and very raw looking glans. The main thing you need to do at this stage is put some petroleum jelly (trust me I really wanted to use the brand name) on the head of the penis as well as the front of the diaper. This keeps the penis from sticking to the diaper. On about the second day the head of the penis will appear to be covered in a yellow, gooey-looking mucous. This is not a sign of infection but is just the way a circumcision heals. When the yellow goo disappears about 3-5 days after the circumcision, it means the penis is healed and you do not have to use the petroleum jelly anymore.
A circumcised penis is not a maintenance-free penis. As a boy gets a little chunkier in the first couple months of life he will develop a little fat pad right above the penis that will sometimes push the foreskin over the glans of the penis. You will need to gently retract this every time you change his diaper. If you do not do this then the foreskin and glans will get irritated from urine and rubbing and will begin to stick together and form a foreskin adhesion. These will have to be lysed by your doctor and can get so bad that he could have a revision of his circumcision. Make sure that you pull it back till you see the lip along the edge of the glans every time you change their diaper to prevent this from happening. You will usually have to do this as long as he has the fat pad pushing the foreskin down, which is usually until 18-24 months of age.
The uncircumcised penis has to be taken care of a little differently. You may hear varying tales of what you have to do if a little boy is uncircumcised, but really you just want to leave it alone. You need to wash the out- side skin just like you wash the rest of his body, but you need to leave everything else alone. The foreskin is usually stuck to the glans of the penis when a baby is born and if you try to pull it back you will cause trauma that will not only hurt but can lead to scarring. When a little one is one to two years old the adhesions will usually start to loosen up so you can try to gently retract the foreskin back and clean the glans gently with water. If it does not loosen up that is fine and it may not happen until a boy gets to be 10 and puberty starts to kick in. You may see some white gooey stuff come out of the hole in the foreskin occasionally. This is called smegma and is just dead skin that is sloughing off the foreskin and glans and has nowhere to go except out the little hole. If this smegma is accumulating under the foreskin you may see small whitish yellow bumps under the skin at the tip of the penis. These will eventually work themselves out the hole and are nothing to worry about.
Some problems or questions you may have about your baby’s penis:
Hydrocele: You may notice that one or both of your little guy’s testicles look huge. This is usually a hydrocele. A hydrocele is a collection of fluid around the testicle itself and forms from a small connection to the abdominal cavity through the inguinal canal. This will usually resolve by the time the little guy is one year old. If it does not then surgery may be required to repair it, but luckily this is rare. Your pediatrician may diagnose this by holding a light to the scrotum to see if the light will shine through. If the light shows clearly through, it rules out any mass in the scrotum.
Undescended testicles: You may notice that your little man only has one testicle or no testicles in his scrotum. This is not an unusual thing especially in premature babies. Your pediatrician will try to find the testicles and most of the time the testicles are in the inguinal canal which is in the crease between the thigh and hip) and can be brought down with some gentle pressure. The testicles should be down in the scrotum by the time the baby is one year of age or surgery will have to be done to bring them down. Testicles that remain in the abdominal cavity past the year mark have a higher chance of developing testicular cancer and/or causing sterility.
Inguinal hernia: If you notice a third testicle, a big bulge in the scrotum, or a bulging mass in the groin area, this is an inguinal hernia. Inguinal hernias will always have to be surgically corrected. The surgery will have to happen sooner than later since the hernia can lead to intestinal obstruction.
Torsion of the testicle: If you have a baby boy that is screaming his bloody head off and one testicle is swollen and higher up than the other, it could be a torsion of the testicle. This occurs when the testicle twists and cuts off its own blood supply. This is a medical emergency and must be surgically cor- rected within the first several hours or the young man may lose that testicle. If you suspect torsion of the testicle get to an emergency room as soon as possible and do not allow them to put you off for hours. You need to be seen right away.
Vanishing penis: This is a frequent reason parents bring their little boy to see the doctor. In most cases the baby is usually kind of chunky and develops a fat pad above his penis. This fat pad can get so big that his penis retracts into it so you can no longer see it at all. This is usually nothing to worry about and as the little boy loses his baby fat the penis will start mak- ing a more regular appearance.
Diaper rashes: Baby boys get the same type of diaper rashes as little girls get. The most common is a simple irritated rash from staying wet or dirty too long or from a diaper rubbing the wrong way. These are easy taken care of with some liberal application of diaper rash cream. Little boys can also get yeast infection rashes. These will be bright red with little red dots around the edges and will need a prescription cream to clear it up.
Mystery pee: This is when a little boy pees and gets everything wet: you, his clothes, blanket and yet he and his diaper remain completely dry. Just a little tip: point his penis down when you put on the diaper. It will save you getting drenched with the mystery pee.
Masturbation: Parents are mortified that at a very early age little boys find out where their penis is and just cannot pay it enough attention. Just relax as this is very normal behavior on their part and anyone that has ever had a little boy will be glad to sympathize with you.
Here is a little funny story from my own personal experience. When my little boy was about four years old we were driving down the road and he said, “Daddy I wish my penis was purple.” I asked him why and he replied, “I just like the color purple.” A couple of days went by and he was taking a bath and he yelled, “Daddy, Daddy come here quick!” I ran as quickly as I could thinking that something had gone terribly wrong. When I got to the tub he proudly pointed to his penis and said, “Look Daddy my wish came true. My penis is purple.” Just a little cold water can make a boy’s day.
People evidently have a very hard time saying the word penis. Because of how bad penis sounds here are some of the interesting names I have heard it called over the years.
- Worm
- Bait and tackle
- Peanut (this is the wonderful term my parents saddled me with; grade school was tough for the kid with a peanut)
- Little snake
- Wizzer
- Pee pee
- Willie
- Bird
- Wiener Talley
- Whacker
- Tadpole
- The boys
- Little wiggler
Kaden’s Comments: My parents call my parts my penis. To be honest I would like it to have a cooler sounding name. I was thinking of something along the line of bronco or hurricane (and several branded names that could get me in trouble). I just like the fact that I can pee on stuff and make people scream.
